This is probably the only time Holden will say I love you for the next ten years, so I’m sharing it with the world now lol (Taken with instagram)
Donations. I was only able to part ways with five of my books, but there were two other trash bags filled with clothes. #cleaning #antihoarder #Hopesomeoneenjoysthesebookslikeidid #donate (Taken with instagram)
Flowers, a drawing of mine, and the only man that will ever matter in my life. #elvis #ballerina #peaceinthevalley #puppetonastring #returntosender #thelistgoeson (Taken with instagram)
Drip, Drip, Drop
This is a poem that I wrote back in 2007. At the time my family and I were living in an apartment with no lights or running water. We spent three months without these things, during which time I ran away and did a lot of stupid things. I really like this poem because it’s simple. It isn’t some lyrical masterpiece or anything. Just me frustrated with the conditions in which I lived. My family and I are in such a better place now and I’m truly blessed. So the few people that read this or follow me on here, don’t think I’m some poor soul. :)
No gas.
No light.
No water.
No home.
How I’ve yearned to feel the warmth of exuberant heat. Instead, I’ve felt the cold wrath of Life’s mistfortunes.
How I’ve yearned to see through the blinding darkness. Instead, I’ve wandered, lost in the pitch of the night.
How I’ve yearned to hear the drip, drip, drop of water. Instead, I’ve only heard the drip, drip, and drop of my fleeting faith.
How I’ve yearned to have a place to call home. Instead, I live my life on a feast of scraps and in abandoned fields I call God’s green earth.
I’m having a breakdown, but I’m okay with it lol. I think I just don’t care. When all is said and done, the break down leaves you with nothing, so you have everything to build yourself up. I don’t need a self help book when I’m smart. Stupid enough to do stupid things, but smart enough to realize that I can fix anything.
Well
I spent the night getting plastered, dancing with strangers, and almost sleeping with someone I barely know. The only thing that stopped me was the thought of me being in love with my best friend. The same one who doesn’t fucking care. I’m fucking pathetic. hahahah I’m going to stay drunk and sleep. I don’t even know if I care enough to go to work tomorrow. We’ll see what I regret when the sun rises.
submission from lenadanya (thanks!)
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Oils on wood panel. I used myself as reference for the body, although not intended to be a self portrait. It was painted during the middle of a rough patch in my life. After the body was painted I just had no idea what to do next. I let the painting sit for half a year before finally doing something with it. Finally when I solved my problems, I added flowers and space. Odd combination, completely unplanned. But things are better now, and I’ve found beauty and hope through difficult times, and I no longer feel limited.
Today
Today will be a good day! I will not let myself be overcome with anxiety or fear over things that I cannot control. I will clean my room, dance in my underwear, and think of only myself. Today will be a good day!
Poetry overload.
Sorry folks, I’m going through an old poetry book of mine from my sophomore and junior years of high school. I kind of like to see the things that I’ve written. I like to laugh at myself, because as heavy as the subject matter could be, I was not at all good at the execution. I’m so glad that my writing style has improved, if only a little.
I can only take so much blame for your mistakes. Late at night, your words sting like the hornet’s venom. Your tongue becomes a whip. Your words my chains. I become your whipping post. You dig at me like the continuous disheveling of the grave keeper. All the time, your breath reeking of weed. I’ve grown weary of this. I ran away today, tried to find bliss. And you never even noticed. I suppose you were too busy getting high. Taking yourself to that kingdom. That kingdom of satisfaction. Where your child didn’t matter. Look at yourself. Peer into the looking glass and fucking LOOK AT YOURSELF. The color has disappeared from your eyes. Your weight has dropped, yet the smoke still rises. Your rage grows with the monster inside you. You aren’t even you anymore. And you don’t even have an inkling of my knowledge- cause you’re in your kingdom of satisfaction, mommy.
